Department of Corrections

Here at Unpleasant Accents, we're no strangers to shredding idiotic media coverage of the Church, nor to the works of Evelyn Waugh, whose Brideshead Revisited is the source of our humble blog's name.

Sometimes, however, the jokes write themselves.

From The Federalist: TIME: Evelyn Waugh Is One Of The Most-Read Female Writers in Colleges

Um, yeah, about that:

Correction: The original version of this story included Evelyn Waugh, who was a man.

"I will not stand for being called a woman in my own house…"

Cheer up, Evelyn. Maybe Glamour can name you Woman of the Year!

Consecrated Conversations: Sister Colleen Clair

In a return to our interview series, we focus on a topic that many people, especially those outside of the Church, don't know much about: the consecrated religious life. Sister Colleen Clair was kind enough to answer our probing-but-educational questions. Today marks the seventh day of the Novena to Saint John Bosco, founder of Sister's order. His feast is Sunday, January 31.

Sister Colleen Clair, SDB (pictured, at right)

Tell us a bit about yourself! 

I’m a Salesian Sister – our official title is “Daughters of Mary Help of Christians.” When I first entered, some friends took bets on how long it would take before I would be “kicked out of the convent.” The longest bet was six weeks! It’s been almost 26 years between formation and profession, and I love religious life. I always say, being a Salesian was the smartest and bravest thing I ever did!

We Are So Blessed

I doubt very many of you are reading this, and that's a good thing.

It's not because I don't want people to read my writing. (That's sort of my job; I think I'm a journalist, or something.) But today isn't really a day for reading blogs, even Christian ones. And I trust you already know that.

I say the following with no presumption of knowing anyone's lot in life, so beg forgiveness of those who cannot in conscience look upon this day with the joy that I do. But I would be lying if I did not say how I truly feel, that I am so, so blessed.

When Mary Was Mixed Race: Mary and a Catholic Approach to Social Justice

Praised Be Jesus!

I hope that everyone is doing well and navigating the crazy change of weather — Jersey has been a mess! As we journey on now that the Synod of the Family has drawn to a close, and we will soon see what the Holy Father plans to do with the challenges facing the modern family. Many of the issues in the modern world do fall into the realm of Catholic social teaching and how we are to respond to the many cultural and justice issues in our day-to-day lives.

SAINTATHON 2015: Saint Expedite

Praised Be Jesus, everyone!

As we continue on with our celebration of saints for November, I want to highlight a mostly unknown saint in our part of the world, who's also one of my favorites, Saint Expedite. Very little is known about Saint Expedite, but he is greatly associated with the armies of Armenia. As his legend goes, Saint Expedite was a Roman solider who was converting to Christianity. On his way to be baptized, Satan appeared to him as a crow (or a snake, depending on the legend) and tried to convince him to convert the next day. In a flurry of zeal, Expedite crushed the bird beneath his feet and proclaimed, "I will follow Christ today!" and proceeded to be baptized — and not long after, martyred.

SAINTATHON 2015: Dem Bones: The Power and Mystery of the Holy Relics

The major relics of Saint Maria Goretti on tour in Philadelphia

Praised Be Jesus!

In recent weeks, the Catholic world has been abuzz, first and foremost for Pope Francis' visit to the U.S. and the effects it had on believers and nonbelievers alike. But a curious, little-known event coincided with the Holy Father's visit to the U.S. On Monday, September 21, the skeletal remains of Saint Maria Goretti, the youngest canonized saint in the modern history of the Catholic Church, made their first stop on their tour of the U.S. This tour is in honor of the Year of Mercy, which Pope Francis will proclaim later this year. Also in recent news, it was made known that the remains of Saint Thérèse and her parents would be exposed during the whole of the Synod on the Family.

But why? Many people ask this question. What is so special about the bones of the saints who have already entered eternal glory? Isn't the practice of relics something that was stopped after the Second Vatican Council?

SAINTATHON 2015: Blessed Chiara Badano

Welcome, one and all, to Unpleasant Accents' second annual Saintathon! To commemorate our anniversary, which falls on All Saints Day, our team is posting about their favourite Saints throughout the week. This year, Tani starts us off with Blessed Chiara Badano:

Human beings have always had a strange relationship with suffering. In A.D. 524, the philosopher Boethius wrote, "Finally, and this is the last straw, the judgement of most people is based not on the merits of a case but on the fortune of its outcome; they think that only things which turn out happily are good." Perhaps that is why Blessed Chiara Badano so confuses, and yet so captures the imagination of, many people around the world.

Bl. Chiara at 16

I Am a Bride of Christ

The Mystical Marriage of Saint Catherine of Siena

Praised Be Jesus!

As autumn rolls on, there are a great many feasts honoring many a woman who dedicated her life to serving Christ as a spiritual Bride of Christ. Whether they be virgin martyrs or cloistered nuns, we have come to know those who identify with brides of Christ as those women who have made some commitment to the religious or consecrated life. So it may come to many a surprise that spiritually, I identify as a spouse of Christ, even though I am male and I have not taken any formal religious vows.

So, You've Decided to Report on the Catholic Church: A Journalistic Primer

Welcome to America, Pope Francis! To celebrate your arrival, all of the U.S. press have been instructed to watch this educational film so that your visit is covered accurately and fairly. We hope you enjoy your stay!

Well, hello there! If you're watching this short film, then you're about to start a promising career in the world of journalism. In this profession, you are tasked with bringing the news to the people, free of bias or prejudice. In today's lesson, we're going to cover the Do's and Don'ts of Reporting on the Catholic Church. Let's get started, shall we?

Tani Trashes Terrible Christian Movies: Christian Mingle

[WARNING: This review contains spoilers, but that's only because I watched this movie so you don't have to.]

Here at Unpleasant Accents, we have a long and rich history of drunk book reviews. In that vein, I have decided to start writing high Christian movie reviews. Don’t worry, folks; it’s a totally legal high on my painkillers for EDS, which is good, because to get through Christian Mingle: The Movie, I had to take a few extra ibuprofen. It’s that bad.

Do All Dogs Go to Heaven? How Losing a Pet Challenged My Views on the Afterlife

I love dogs. I love all animals, really, but dogs hold a special place in my heart. Anyone who grew up with a pet can easily understand why animals can hold such an important and profound place in our lives.

Pets do a tremendous service to mankind that comes in all forms. We often hear heartwarming stories of service dogs giving people with disabilities a sense of independence. Military veterans who suffer from severe PTSD are given a chance to heal through service animals. Stories about cats and dogs helping children with mental disabilities circulate through social media on a regular basis. Beyond that, every pet owner has a story about some act of joy his or her pet brought into his or her life. Many of us cannot think of our pets without smiling or remembering something they did recently. 

I often read these stories, cry for an hour, and have to tell people at work that my eyes are red from allergies and not from reading sweet animal stories when I should be answering client emails. Reading about the tremendous love our pets have for us and seeing it with my own pets proves just how much God loves us.

The Corruption of the Privacy of Marriage

A guest post by Daniel Michel

It's a good time for churches in USA to separate civil ceremonies and church ceremonies to clearly show the difference.

— Fr. Jonathan Morris (@fatherjonathan) June 27, 2015

Within just a few days of the Supreme Court's decision on same-sex civil marriage, those on the victorious side of the case began calling for new discriminatory laws and policies to be put into place. One columnist suggested scrapping the longtime tradition of tax-exempt status from religious institutions — and even polygamists feel emboldened by the decision. Other radical ideas are sure to come about.

It already looks bleak for many of us who support traditional marriage: the true definition, nature, and substance of what marriage, in fact, is. This issue over marriage and same-sex unions has obviously become divisive, and outside of the legal realm, there appears no end in sight to this debate. This is why it may be time to take a new, or rather old, way of dealing with this issue: privatizing it altogether.

Not O.K., Takei: On Defining Dignity

By now, any of you with an Internet connection and even a mild interest in pop culture has heard about George Takei's unfortunate remarks about Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. In short, Takei, who is in a civil marriage with another man, took issue with Thomas' dissent in the Obergefell v. Hodges decision, which found that there is a Constitutional right to civil marriage for same-sex couples. Much of the media focus has been on Takei's racially-charged remarks and not on the merits of his criticism of Thomas. Takei finally apologised for being "uncivil" in his remarks towards the Justice (after explaining that there is totally nothing racist about saying that a black person is a fake black person, because famous actor, or something), but he stands by his critique. The problem is, his critique is as baseless as his racist remarks are offensive.

Don't worry, George. This won't hurt. Much.

Reporting from the (Lawn) Chair of Leisure As Culture

Here at Unpleasant Accents, we value literature. And also stock images.

The Honorary Chair of Leisure As Culture humbly suggests you, dear reader, consider these summer reading recommendations. First is a bit of modern German fiction, recently translated into English. Following that is a dystopian black comedy set in an England where procreation has been outlawed and cannibalism may be on the verge of breaking out. On a pleasanter note, our next selection is a comedy of manners featuring a happy, well-adjusted, single Englishwoman. Finally, on the nonfiction front, a revisionist history of the good old USA proposes that many of the political problems civic-minded Catholics face can be traced back to the philosophy behind the Founding.

A Theology of the Selfie

A guest post by Tatiana Lozano

The vanity.

The posing.

The infamous duckface.

Such is the prototype of the ever-notorious selfie. But this is not just fun and games. These images have fed into the stereotypes of our youth — supposedly brimming with greediness, sloth, and entitled behavior. The selfie is therefore not merely another trend.

It has become the Anti-Icon of the Millennial Generation.

But what exactly do I mean? I'm not defining "icon" in the way we speak of celebrities or American apple pie. The Church has icons of her own, particularly in the East — a tradition of paint, wood, and gold passed down through the centuries. They, however, do not exist solely as objects of art.

Real Compassion Is Never Violence

I was checking my email this morning (yes, I'm a teenager who prefers email to text messaging; don't judge) when I saw an email from the petition site change.org with the subject line "War Crimes against Women and Girls." Because I'm a pretty cool Catholic feminist (remember, no judging!) I immediately clicked and read. I'm expecting a petition asking for clothes, shelter, food, or even protection for the women raped and abused by ISIS and Boko Haram, concrete forms of help to comfort, protect, and heal these poor ladies. But what did I get?

CAPTION THIS: When Benedict Met Beer

"You know, guys, I really could have used that drink before I resigned. But anyway, danke."

(Full story here and here. Picture c/o: News.va English)

The Pope Emeritus' birthday was back on April 16, but we just couldn't resist the opportunity to have some fun with this picture. Thanks to all who participated in our last caption contest. And now to announce...

A Catholic Woman in Saudi Arabia

A guest post by Anonymous*

(Disclaimer: This piece was done by an amateur who was foolish enough to grant Damian a favor. Here it goes...)

Consumerism and the Family

I am a BuzzFeed fanatic. When I’m not doing homework (which I do do occasionally, mom) you can usually find me scrolling endlessly down the feed, looking at quizzes and pictures and lists. This is why, when blog overlord Damian sent me this post containing pictures of dads in Sweden with their kids, I clicked instantly.

Looking at the pictures, those fathers look so happy to be with their kids. Their kids look secure and happy to be with their dads. Sweden has mandatory sixty-day paternal leave and 480 days of total leave time for both parents. (In contrast, the U.S. has a suggested 12 weeks' maternity leave and neither suggested nor mandatory paternal leave!) The Swedish government is actively trying to promote the family, perhaps to combat the fact that Sweden has the second-highest divorce rate in Europe. But the dissolution of families, who are the very foundation of society and civilization, is a worldwide problem, especially in our own backyard. And no, I don’t mean Canada.

The Rosary, Veganism, and Boycotting Pants

A guest post by Thomas Sundaram

The Christ Child appreciates both random article themes and serious side-eye.

Sometimes, you really want to write a guest article, but you just stiffed Our Glorious Leader Damian out of a really sick paper on Penance and you get a case of writer's block. But out of necessity arises genius, which in my case consisted of asking Damian to give me three themes about which I should write an article.

Genius is sometimes hard to recognize at first glance.